HomeLocal governmentAlachua County bicentennial celebration survey

Alachua County bicentennial celebration survey

July 23, 2024

Press release from Alachua County

ALACHUA COUNTY, Fla. – It is almost Alachua County’s birthday!

The county turns 200 years old on Dec. 29, 2024, and we want to hear from you. As we plan how, what, and who we celebrate, we want to know what you think makes Alachua so special.

Please take a few moments to complete the resident survey and share your thoughts on the upcoming celebrations. Your feedback will help shape the bicentennial celebration and ensure it truly reflects the spirit of our community.

  • Somehow our 200 year old roads made it on the national register of historic places as a preventative measure to avoid paving them…

  • Only one thing to do. Write a really big county tax money check to “Celebration Pointe.”

  • “Press release from Alachua County”

    I am really proud to live in “Alachua County.” It is the only government that can write press releases with no human intervention. “Alachua County” is self aware and alive, thus does not need taxpayers to pay a quarter million dollars a year to Markie and Andrew to do NOTHING, as their names NEVER show up on a press release, or when Markie posts comments on local online forums as “Alachua County.”
    OR, is it because Markie and Andrew are just the propaganda arm of the County Manager to aid her in transferring the entire county treasury to Celebration Pointe, and are ashamed to put their names on the garbage they are forced to write?

    Serious note: Mark and Andrew: When my effing tax money pays you to write something, PUT YOUR NAME ON IT and take ownership of the clip art garbage you put out. As public servants, you rate a zero. You don’t have the balls to sign your name on an official public document you write. Sad.

    • I disagree. “Alachua County” has Big Balls.
      I know, I’ve seen them.
      They are in the middle of the street in Celebration Pointe.

  • Maybe we can partner with the GRACE Marketplace to hold a “Million Violent Homeless Man March” through the county, burning and pillaging their way from city to city.

    Or if we fill in a few thousand potholes, we could work our way back down to a “Million Pothole Commute” event.

    Sarah Rockwell from the Alachua County School Board had a great proposal, something about bulldozing all of our schools and replacing them with row upon row of gender neutral toilets, finally achieving the true purpose of our education system.

    Her co-sponser, ACSB staff attorney Susan M. Seigle, assures parents that each bathroom will be fully stocked with the most depraved, inappropriate materials available, with a little Marxist propaganda sprinkled in for good measure.

    Bryan Eastman, Harvey Ward, and Lauren “Nancy-Boy” Poe, all true visionaries and pioneers in the fields of government incompetence and the increase of human misery and suffering, have put forth a great plan for the anniversary: a new “Mandatory Adopt an Illegal Neighbor” program.

    Housing will be seized by local government, and living space will be reallocated with priority given to “Neighbors Who Are in the Country Illegally”, the homeless and mentally ill, violent criminals, and the unemployed.

    This policy will complement, but not replace, the planned One Million Homeless Sidewalk Tents Celebration currently under construction.

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